You’ve heard it said that confession is good for the soul. But is that true if you’re in the middle of addiction treatment? No doubt your addiction is full of secrets, difficult feelings, painful memories, and past moments you’re simply not proud to share. That’s why the 12 Steps of AA or Alcoholics Anonymous encourage you to be honest with yourself and confess your struggles with others (especially Step 4 and Step 5). This is a key stage of our addiction recovery program here at Discovery Place as well. However, who you confess to and how you go about doing it are just as important as the confession itself.
What Do We Mean by Confession?
When you hear the word “confession,” what comes to mind? It may conjure up unpleasant memories from childhood, of sitting in that small room inside your neighborhood Catholic church and owning up to a faceless priest about all the bad stuff you did. In fact, the idea of confessing like this may be the last thing you want to do when you’re struggling with addiction and navigating recovery. However, that’s not exactly the kind of confession approach we’re talking about here (though it can certainly be a spiritual experience).
At its root, “confession” really just means telling or making something known, and in particular, disclosing your faults. In the context of addiction recovery, confession isn’t a box you check off so you can feel better about yourself and go back to your vices. It’s part of your journey of personal transformation, moving from addict to someone succeeding in lasting recovery. And it’s also a powerful tool in finally fighting back against the cycle of shame that can keep you stuck in your addiction year after year, decade after decade.
The Cycle of Shame
According to the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM), shame is a powerful emotion associated with a sense of embarrassment about yourself. Instead of experiencing guilt about something bad you did, shame tells you that you are bad. When you encounter shame, you may feel worthless, humiliated, or afraid that other people will find out how bad you really are.
When you’re an addict, shame is one of your most faithful companions. It’s common for you to feel down on yourself as you continuously succumb to drugs or alcohol. As your substance abuse persists, you get stuck in an ongoing rhythm of feeling worthless and hating yourself. As this progresses, your self-esteem tanks, and you may feel helpless, hopeless, and unworthy of healing or the good things in life.
Your shame will drive you to keep your addiction struggles a secret, so you isolate yourself and live in the shadows out of fear of being found out and having even more shame. All of these negative feelings spiral into even more substance abuse, continuing a cycle of shame and addiction. But there is a way out — and it begins with confession.
Step 4, Step 5: Confession in Addiction Recovery
Shame associated with addiction can be a heavy burden to carry, eventually crushing you if you let it. However, true catharsis — the process of releasing strong, repressed emotions and finding relief — is possible as you journey along the 12 Steps in recovery. The First Step is admitting you’re powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable. Yet as you continue onto the Fourth Step and Fifth Step of AA, your recovery journey takes a turning point through confession.
What is Step 4 in AA?
Among the 12 Steps of AA, the Fourth Step involves making a “searching and fearless moral inventory” of yourself. Upon reading that sentence, Step 4 may sound daunting and difficult. And in a way, that’s by design. It’s the hard work required to change direction by beginning on a path toward the catharsis of confession. An excerpt from the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions describes Step 4 in this way:
“Step 4 is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been and are. We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction. Without a will and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moral inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily living is still out of reach.”
SOURCE: Alcoholics Anonymous Cleveland
By taking time to reflect on the consequences your choices and actions have caused upon yourself and those you love, you can fully grasp the magnitude of your wrongs associated with addiction. Having this awareness or moral inventory can help set the stage for you to take responsibility for your actions and make things right. On the other hand, if you don’t make the sometimes-painful effort to do this, then you may continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, strengthening the cycle of shame and addiction.
Alcoholics Anonymous Step 5
Once you’ve taken the steps of building an inventory of the wrongs your addiction has caused, the Fifth step of AA is next. Known as the “confession” step, Alcoholics Anonymous Step 5 involves “admitting to God, to oneself, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Upon reading this, you may think that confessing this way feels like a penalty or judgment of some kind. But owning up to your past transgressions isn’t about shaming the perpetrator; it’s about creating a clean slate.
Sure, confessing what you’ve done isn’t easy, whether that’s to your higher power or directly to someone you know. But Bill Wilson, cofounder of AA, described Step 5 as “necessary to long-term sobriety and peace of mind.” It’s that important along the recovery journey, and it can change your life for good.
Though you’re aware of the negative impact of your addictive behavior at this point, confession isn’t about verbally beating yourself up. Instead, it’s about finally being honest about what you’ve done. This honesty will require vulnerability that will likely make you uncomfortable. If we’re only as sick as our secrets, however, the good news is that confession is a service to your present and future self. And ultimately, confession in recovery is the spark that spurs you into action, leading to positive, profound life-change in sobriety.
The Transformational Impact of Confession in Recovery
What makes addiction treatment at Discovery Place unique is that it’s led by men who’ve completed the program themselves. That means we know what it’s like to be in your shoes and come out on the other side. We admitted we were powerless ourselves and took the steps required to make our own confessions. With that said, we’ve experienced the benefits of Alcoholics Anonymous Step 5 firsthand and understand the transformational impact of confession in recovery.
So why is confession all it’s cracked up to be? Speaking from experience, confession is the antidote to the vicious cycle of shame. Shame, like addiction, thrives in isolation and secrecy. But when you finally share your secrets and confess your wrongs, the weighty burdens of shame begin to lift for the first time. You no longer fear being found out as you experience acceptance and understanding from others in spite of what you’ve done in the past. You realize you’re not a bad person and are, in fact, worthy of achieving a life of long-term sobriety. With a clean slate, you can take the next steps toward healing. And you gain a healthy humility in recovery along the way, understanding where you’ve come from to get to this point.
Making Your Confession: Honest Advice
If you’re ready to confess your searching and fearless moral inventory, it’s important to do it right. This means beginning with acknowledging your wrongs personally, then sharing them with your higher power in whatever way feels meaningful and intentional, such as through prayer or meditation.
For confessing to another person, however, you need to be selective. Completing Step 5 should be done with an individual who knows how to support someone in AA or addiction recovery, such as your program sponsor, a trusted friend, or accountability partner. While you may sincerely desire to confess to your loved ones, it may not be safe or the right time to do so. Sharing your deep, personal struggles with the wrong person can be harmful to both them and you, causing additional pain and derailing your momentum.
For your confession to have the most transformational impact, you also need to be truly honest when you share. Now isn’t the time to hold back, provide half-truths, or leave out important details. This will only allow shame to continue to thrive. Being brutally honest, while painful in the moment, leads to freedom and peace of mind that helps you to move forward in recovery.
Overcome Addiction at Discovery Place
Confession is just one step in getting clean and overcoming addiction. Achieving sobriety that lasts requires a comprehensive approach to recovery, one that shouldn’t be done alone. At Discovery Place in Burns, Tennessee, our 12-Step addiction recovery program provides the lasting community and connection you need to stay sober and reclaim your life. To learn more, contact us today.
